From Inspiration to Stage: Nikitaa Opens Up About "Snail Mail," "Soldier," and More!
By. Alicia Zamora
A Conversation with Nikitaa
In a heartfelt and candid discussion, artist Nikitaa opens up about her latest single, "Soldier," a powerful anthem born from her own experiences with an emotionally abusive relationship. In this exclusive interview with Alicia's Studio, she shares the profound journey of self-discovery and resilience that shaped the song's narrative. Nikitaa emphasizes the importance of reclaiming her voice and autonomy, likening her inner strength to that of a soldier emerging victorious from battle.
The creative process behind "Soldier" illustrates a significant evolution in Nikitaa’s songwriting. Initially, she had crafted a different version of the song that focused on feelings of helplessness. However, as she revisited the narrative, she realized that what resonated more was the story of empowerment and survival. This transformation led her to incorporate rich metaphors—drawing parallels between her experience and the imagery of both a soldier and a steadfast tree—that beautifully encapsulate her journey toward healing.
Through this interview, Nikitaa not only reveals the inspiration behind her work but also emphasizes the importance of authenticity in artistic expression. By sharing her personal battle and ultimate triumph, she hopes to inspire others who may be facing similar challenges. Join us as we delve into the heartfelt insights and experiences that brought "Soldier" to life, and discover how Nikitaa's music continues to resonate with those seeking strength and solace.
Diving In
Alicia: What inspired you to write "Snail Mail"? Are there specific experiences or emotions that influenced the song?
Nikitaa: Yes! My cowriter Lily and I were talking about both of our preteen and teen sapphic experiences. Both of us experienced the confusing, taboo experience of a reciprocated girl crush that neither party could confirm because being queer wasn’t acceptable. And so we chose to write Snail Mail as a reflection upon those moments and experiences. My first kiss was a girl, and the line about typewritten love notes comes from some of Lily’s experiences. We really took moments from out private lives that neither of us has really shared and decided to put it into Snail Mail.
Alicia: The song explores first loves and navigating sexuality. Why do you think these themes are important to address in music today?
Nikitaa: I think first of all that vulnerability in music is important regardless of if you are queer or not, but I also think that queer folks who have had similar experiences deserve to have music that they can relate to. Seeing yourself represented in any kind of art is a thrilling and cathartic experience that feels very similar to finding community in your real life as a marginalized person. You feel a sense of belonging, a sense of relief, a feeling of joy, and Lily and I felt that while creating this song. That’s exactly what I hear from listeners that love this song - they see themselves in the music, and it makes them emotional in a good way. And that’s always important, especially for people like us.
Alicia: Can you describe your songwriting process for this track? Did you start with the melody, lyrics, or a specific idea?
Nikitaa: We started by talking about our own lived experiences, and the beautiful piano sample you hear in the very beginning of the song. From there melodies and lyrics just flowed naturally. As someone who often speaks in metaphor in their songs, being this personal with details was interesting journey to go on.
Alicia: How did you feel while writing and recording "Snail Mail"? Was there a particular moment in the studio that stood out to you?
Nikitaa: I think during the writing process Lily and I just turned into the teenagers that had had these experiences. We couldn’t stop giggling and smiling while reminiscing about our respective experiences. Recording it felt even more tender than writing it though. I’ve been more focused on emotional delivery over everything else in my music, and I really wanted to capture the longing and pining we baked into this song.
Alicia: You mentioned delicate harmonies and a powerful crescendo. How did you approach the arrangement to achieve this effect?
Nikitaa: Honestly, I always wanted to keep the arrangement relatively simple and focus more on vocal delivery. Very often vocal arrangement ideas come to me as I’m recording, rarely ever before. I just go with it, and think about edits and removing things later. So I just took it from there. I also knew this song was coming out in the fall, so I wanted those harmonies and call and response bits to reflect the bittersweet feeling that fall brings up for me. I’m such a technically trained, deeply geeky vocalist, but when I’m tracking vocals for a song I’m not focused on pure technicality as much as how everything feels for me.
Alicia: Is there a specific lyric in "Snail Mail" that you’re particularly proud of or that holds special meaning for you?
Nikitaa: I think the end of the chorus “if only they believed in what we could’ve been, would you still be mine?” Means a lot to me, because in retrospect that is such an important thing. I grew up in a world where being queer was seen as an absolute impossibility, let alone having a queer relationship. So it’s interesting to think about whether those feelings would have turned into anything more had the world around me been more accepting of queerness.
Alicia: How do your personal experiences shape your music and the stories you tell through your songs?
Nikitaa: Almost all my songs are inspired by my personal experiences, aspirations etc. I’m very connected to the stories I tell, and I think that songwriting is very much about painting a picture. Pretty words don’t matter if they don’t connect with people, you know? My life, the artists I love, my joy, my pain and everything in between shapes who I am as an artist and a singer.
Alicia: How has your understanding of your own identity evolved as you've grown as an artist?
Nikitaa: I think they almost always feeds each other. I’ve learned so much about myself through my songwriting, it’s often a therapeutic process for me. But also, understanding myself better, healing and learning how to share who I am with the world with an exponentially increasing level of honesty has impacted how vulnerable I’m able to get as an artist as well. I think you have to come to terms with yourself and your identity to at least some degree before being able to share it in your art, sometimes those processes occur at the same time and sometimes one follows the other.
Alicia: What do you hope listeners take away from "Snail Mail"? Is there a particular message you want to convey?
Nikitaa: I just want people who felt like who Lily and I felt growing up to feel seen, to relate to this song, and I hope it brings them some catharsis or closure. And for those that don’t but enjoy the music anyway - I want to invite them to apply that empathy they feel listening to this song to someone in their lives.
Alicia: Can you share any other projects or singles in the works with us?
Nikitaa: Yes! I have a new single “Soldier” coming out on November 19, and I dug deep for this one. It is the first of a few singles from a brand new project coming in 2025 called Leaving Stockholm. It’s a deeply painful but important body of work for me, and I’m excited to share it with my listeners.
Alicia: How do you envision performing "Snail Mail" live?
Nikitaa: I would love to perform Snail Mail with just piano, a cajon and maybe some strings! Maybe even turn it into a medley with some of my other ballads towards the end of the performance.
Alicia: Do you have any plans for an upcoming tour or performance?
Nikitaa: I’m performing a few shows in LA in January and February! More details to come on my instagram and TikTok
Alicia: How has your music evolved since you first started? What do you think has changed the most about your sound?
Nikitaa: SO much has changed about my music. I feel like when I started, the people I was working with encouraged my innate perfectionism in some ways. I wanted the sound to be perfect, the vocal delivery to be perfect, to pick the perfect genre blend and just live in it forever etc. But the more I’ve grown the less I feel driven by perfection. I am still super detail oriented and always committed to a vision, but there is so much more to art than seeking perfection. I’m grateful for that lesson coming through for me in so many ways. I feel so much more fluid and vulnerable as an artist today!
Alicia: What challenges have you faced as an emerging artist, and how have you overcome them?
Nikitaa: Gosh, so many. Being AFAB, queer and a POC in this industry is a lot. As with life, the more intersections you sit at in this industry, the more hesitation and prejudice you tend to experience - even in queer spaces, which can often feel dominated by white folks who aren’t as accepting of queer artists of color. I think it becomes very important to march at the beat of your own drum, and also to have people in your corner professionally that give you their honest opinion as well as defend and represent you without permitting prejudice and biases to affect their judgment.
Alicia: ”Soldier” presents a very powerful metaphor with the recurring phrase “I’m a soldier.” What does that metaphor represent to you, and how did you decide to center the song around resilience in the face of betrayal?
Nikitaa: So the whole song is about surviving a horrible emotionally abusive relationship. I felt like my soul became the resilient soldier in a battle for who would have say over my life - me or this other person. I wrote a whole different iteration of this song, actually, where the focus was more on how I felt helpless, but that didn’t feel authentic to my experience of overcoming this battle and coming back to right relationship with myself. The metaphor of the tree and also of the soldier came so naturally during the rewrite.
Alicia: Your lyrics in “Soldier” touch on themes of time, growth, and healing, especially with lines like “Suddenly I’m a decade older.” How do you feel time shapes your emotional and artistic perspective?
Nikitaa:I think in the context of this song that line feels more like a way to describe the visceral experience of being deeply traumatized in an abusive dynamic. I’ve often grieved the years I’ve lost to that relationship, and to me that line was very representative of the feeling of suddenly “waking up” after enough time and healing and feeling so out of place. Parts of me still feel 22, right around the time I met this person. Parts of me feel the age I am now, having processed what happened and coming to terms with the fact that it’s a piece of my story and my life. I think that second part of me helps steer my writing, but the first part of me helps draw out my emotional experience onto the page in the first place.
Alicia: The imagery in “Soldier” — like withering roots and bones — feels incredibly visceral. How do you approach creating such vivid metaphors that resonate so deeply with listeners?
Nikitaa:I think you have to become really honest and real with yourself first. Songwriting can be so hard because it requires deep vulnerability, and especially with a story like this it took me years to find the courage to tell it in a way that felt truthful and heartfelt. I’ve always been good with metaphors and pretty writing, but writing in a way that’s emotionally meaningful as a songwriter and artist requires so much more than pretty words. If it resonates with you as the creator, if it feels scary to be so open and raw, you’re on the right path.
Alicia: In “Soldier,” you sing about emerging stronger from difficult experiences. Do you think this song is an anthem of empowerment for yourself, your listeners, or both?
Nikitaa:I think this song is more so the grief you feel knowing you got through something that could and did break you, and you have all the crippling battle scars to show for it. It feels more like sitting around the fire with my younger self and my listeners and taking in the heaviness of getting through something hard and awful.
Alicia: “Soldier” has an anthemic, defiant quality to it. Was this a conscious choice, or did the song evolve naturally into this expression of strength as you worked through it?
Nikitaa: Honestly it just evolved into that, and thank you for saying that! For me I still hear the pain in Soldier more than its strength, but it’s interesting to know that it reads that way.
Alicia: “Soldier” feels like an emotional aftermath of something deeper, whereas “Snail Mail” speaks to the fragile, formative stage of self-discovery. Do these two tracks represent a progression for you, or are they more like parallel experiences in your artistic life?
Nikitaa: I think it’s hard to compare them as personal experiences, but I do think that both these tracks represent a progression of becoming more vulnerable and authentic than ever before as a writer and artist. I’ve always disregarded strict genre labels etc. but now I feel this unapologetic drive to tell my story however I need to and go wherever it takes me in ways that I didn’t think I’d feel free enough to do. I think that drive comes out pretty clearly in both Snail Mail and Soldier.
Alicia: With these two releases, you’ve shown a versatility in your music—one that can be introspective and tender, and the other empowering and resilient. How do you decide which direction to take with your sound when you’re working on a new song?
Nikitaa:I don’t like steering the ship as hard when I am in the process of writing songs - I like to go where it takes me, and if I’m putting a project together I can sniff out a theme from songs that I’ve been writing and then I can pick a direction to take myself in. It usually lines up with my current aspirations of where I want to take myself sonically in any case!
Alicia: Both songs feel like part of a larger narrative, with “Soldier” reflecting strength after pain and “Snail Mail” delving into youthful vulnerability. Are there more songs coming that will continue this narrative, or do you see each song as a standalone exploration of different aspects of life?
Nikitaa:Yes! There’s a lot more of where Soldier came from. My next project is called Leaving Stockholm (coming out late March!) and it explores the different emotional stages of healing and fully feeling after an abusive relationship.
Alicia: Themes of betrayal, self-discovery, and healing seem to play a big role in your work. Do you see these experiences as universal ones that can speak to a wide range of listeners, or are they deeply personal reflections of your own journey?
Nikitaa:Both, I think. I’ve unfortunately had a very rough go of it in life. I’ve been through a lot of traumatic experiences and I don’t think I’m unique in this at all, and I think that honesty resonates with my listeners.
Alicia: As an artist, how do you feel that your music has evolved since your earlier releases? Do you feel like “Soldier” and “Snail Mail” mark a new phase in your musical journey?
Nikitaa:I definitely feel like my music has taken a giant leap forward in the past year and a half. The more real I became with myself, and the more I choose to share (and feel comfortable sharing) with the world, the more honest, raw and playful my writing has become. Throne, Heaven, Godless and Daddy Era are all testaments to this shift. But Snail Mail and Soldier - they mark an era of readiness for me to talk about and share things I have never disclosed about myself before.
Alicia: After the success of these releases, what’s next for you musically? Are there any new directions you’d like to explore, or themes you’re excited to dive into with upcoming music?
Nikitaa:It’s funny you ask, because although a lot of my releases for early 2025 are filled with grief, pain, loss and eventually hope… the stuff I’m writing right now is much lighter, sweeter and romantic. I feel like I’m extricating the dredges of my pain through my art, to finally be able to make music about how in love with life I currently am.
Alicia: How do you hope your listeners connect with your music on a deeper level? Do you want them to interpret your songs in their own way, or do you hope to convey a specific message or feeling with each release?
Nikitaa:I think once a song is out, the relationship each listener has to it is uniquely their own. But I think in general I always want people to feel inspired to embrace their own strength, make peace with their own pain and celebrate their own joy. I truly just want to make music that gives people a safe space to explore their own complexity. That’s always been my ultimate goal and that has never changed for me.
